Need some serious advice

[Mori]

Ok guys, I'm caught in a VERY big delimma. There is this girl I met at work some time ago, We've been hangin out and shootin the shit quite a bit, well...now we have been talking about getting together..I really like this girl, I think I may even love her..but tonight she told me she was HIV positive, It didn't change how I felt about her but it put up somewhat of a roadblock in my decision to be with her. So what I'm wondering, what is the chances of it being contracted if I don't come into contact with her blood? I've read that if you consistantly practice safe sex there is only a 15% change to contract the disease, those are big numbers when it comes to HIV, I also read that I can only catch it by coming into contact with her blood or unless I drink gallons of her saliva (ew, but still) lol...can anyone shed some light on this subject please? I still really want to be with her, but I'm not sure if I can commit to something like this givin the risks involved......any comments or advice is truly welcomed and very appreciated...


Serious comments and advice only please, if your going to hate dont even bother posting because I will ask to have it edited...thanks

 

[BlueBug]

HIV CAN be contracted through saliva and vaginal fluids. Being a virus that spreads through out hte entire body and survives in mucous membranes, like those found in the nasil passages and oral cavities. Also, from just a normal healthy person brushing their teeth they cause tiny abrasions on the gums which bleed into the mouth and mix with saliva.

The good thing for (if there is one) is that HIV doesn't survive long ouitside of hte body, like spit on the ground and such. But determining how she contracted HIV is somethign to consider also, many people that are HIV positive are also hepatitis positive and that monster survives for very long periods of time in any enviroment.

Not to sound flipant but until there is a **cure** you're better off playing Russian roulette with a loaded automatic than (ah-hem) safe sex with a person that has HIV. A gunshot wound to the head isn't passed onto your potential offspring and hurts alot less.

Plus, never being CERTAIN would kill you just as fast as if you contracted it from her. Worry is a bitch.

Goodluck~

BB

 

[the_great_one]

Not much help I can offer, other than I found this article that may help you out.

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/275126

 

[Swazafix]

I would say stay friends and really get to know this person before you think about living with such risk, HIV is life changing and as such I think this decision should take time to commit.

 

[Blitzkrieg]

The percentages are so situational and specific, they aren't good to go off of realistically. That chance will always be there, and it would be impossible to be conscious all the time about your actions to avoid risk contaminant contact (unconscious effects, when you're not actively thinking). So you'd have to limit your actions and time to windows with her, which would kind of defeat the purpose if your intentions are to be in a full out relationship.

That being said, if you are purely worried about contracting the disease, the only gaurantee you have is to abstain.

 

[Mori]

Thank you all very very much for the advice, I don't plan on making this decision over night, and she said she will understand if it takes me a while more getting to know her to make the decision....If I didn't really care about this woman I wouldn't even be on here asking for advice and getting all the knowledge I can on this issue....more advice welcomed, and thanks again for what has already been said

 

[Bearcub]

I kind of have to agree with what other people are saying. They're making decent progress on HIV, but it's still incredibly serious.

I do think that you should try and find out how she got the disease, as that can answer some questions hopefully. It really comes down to how in-love you think you are becoming.

She might make a phenomenal best friend, or something along those lines, but like BB said, HIV is like a bad game of russian roulette.

Hopefully my last part won't come off as a flame, if it does I'm sorry.

Fuck what we think. If you have a primary care doctor that you trust, sit down with that person. This is a conversation that you, her, and a doctor need to have. If she's as into you as you are into her, then she'll understand not wanting to put your life at risk (imo).

Sorry if I'm not much help, and best of luck on this decision.

BC

 

[BlueBug]

Fuck what we think. If you have a primary care doctor that you trust, sit down with that person. This is a conversation that you, her, and a doctor need to have. If she's as into you as you are into her, then she'll understand not wanting to put your life at risk (imo).

Sorry if I'm not much help, and best of luck on this decision.

BC

Best advice right there~

 

[Mori]

I agree BB, Best advice I've seen yet...I'm actually going to talk to her about this and if she is willing (which I'm sure she will be) I'm going to do it, Thank you very much Cubby

 

[Fry]

Everyone brings baggage to a relationship, kids from previous relationship, crazy family members, medical conditions and of course HIV. Some people look into your relationship and think your crazy to have a relationship with that sort of baggage but you can't help who you fall in love with. If you get along with her like a best friend, and you are truly in love you'll find a way to deal with it and make it work.

Talk to a doctor, and do a lot of goggling. Don't let something superficial like this get in the way of a genuine relationship. I feel bad for the girl having to be scared being put through stuff like this every time she gets close to someone. It's stuff like this that causes people to hide things like this and never tell anyone.

 

[2cool4j00]

My cousin got into a similar situation and he now has HIV. I don't know the exact details of how he contracted it but he knew going into the relationship that the chick had it and he vowed to be extra careful but still managed to get it. I would run the other way and don't look back. We all want things we can't have but we all know better. If you really loved her enough to take the risk you probably wouldn't doubt yourself so much. Divorce rates are high, people breakup...HIV is forever.

 

[Krugerr]

i have 2 completely opposing opinions on this.

On the one hand, as previously mentioned, relationships rarely last forever, and HIV is a very major virus. Whether the relationship lasted or not, you would still have it. I would run a mile, but im young and fall inlove 20 times a day.

On the other hand, love is also a major thing, and the fact that your asking yourself this extremely life changing question means 1 thing, this isnt a fling for you, real love isnt very common, and so you should discuss how she feels about this.
I would not discuss this with family, since they would take on a very biased opinion to the choice you should make, cluding the issue.


The best of luck bro, and wish you lots of happiness in either decision

Krugerr

 

[jodwop]

My girl has herpes. She did before we got together. Was I scared of contracting it? No. Not on the same playing field as HIV, but to me the same premise. She has herpes. She is NOT herpes. So I began reading up. Paid for a private consultation with a doctor, because she was uncomfortable talking to me about it and I still walked away with the same feeling. She was still the same woman I fell for.

What it comes down to is a choice. It is like looking at someone in a wheelchair. Do you see the person or the wheelchair....

 

[CapriiRecords]

If you have health insurance - review your policy thoroughly, research litigation against your insurer, and discuss things with your primary care. There have been loads of suits lately against insurance companies who have declared HIV a pre-existing condition, if the contractor knowingly engaged in sexual activity with someone who was HIV positive. Meaning all treatment for policy holders is out of pocket until filings are exhausted or legislation is passed. Make sure all your bases are covered to the best of your ability for your health and future health care.

 

[Mori]

If you really loved her enough to take the risk you probably wouldn't doubt yourself so much. Divorce rates are high, people breakup...HIV is forever.

Not doubting myself really, just getting as much info I can on the subject. and Like Jodwop said about the wheelchair, I don't see the virus..I see her, tough decision I really do hope I make the right one...thank you everyone for your advice comments and concerns very much appreciated..

 

[scuff11]

atleast she told you before hand.... touchy subject but as a few others have said... life is hard enough with out having the virus and also i do feel bad for her as well, but me having children, and knowing something like that could be passed onto them, i would never consider it... thats my take, best friends some times have a longer relationship than married couples sad but true, tough one man, best of luck on any decision you make

 

[necroman]

also if you love this person and i could be ignorant on the situation but doesnt that mean no kids for you guys unless you want and HIV+ baby. I havent done research so i could be way off base here but i would look into it if you wanted kids even through IUI you would be safe but not the baby. AGAIN I AM NO EXPERT I COULD BE WRONG

 

[jodwop]

also if you love this person and i could be ignorant on the situation but doesnt that mean no kids for you guys unless you want and HIV+ baby. I havent done research so i could be way off base here but i would look into it if you wanted kids even through IUI you would be safe but not the baby. AGAIN I AM NO EXPERT I COULD BE WRONG

Adoption is always an option. You can have HIV and not be fullblown as well. Meaning you can have a wonderful many years ahead of you. The great thing about a map and a destination... You can almost always find more than one way of traveling without going the same way as everyone else seems to be going.

 

[Bearcub]

And, just an FYI, the odds are actually pretty decent about an HIV positive woman having a non-HIV positive child.

Natural child birth is out, but a C-section often produces good results.

I guess to me, it really boils down to figuring out the risks with a doctor. Then you have to evaluate the risks and the rewards/gains/whatever you want to call them.

Not trying to be an ass, but this shit is serious. It sounds like you think she'd be willing to sit down with a doctor with you (I think she would, since she told you of her own free will). If something comes up and she's unwilling to talk about it with you and a doctor...issues imo.

Best of luck, follow your heart with a healthy dose of logic included.

 

[JimJohnson]

HIV CAN be contracted through saliva and vaginal fluids. Being a virus that spreads through out hte entire body and survives in mucous membranes, like those found in the nasil passages and oral cavities. Also, from just a normal healthy person brushing their teeth they cause tiny abrasions on the gums which bleed into the mouth and mix with saliva.

The good thing for (if there is one) is that HIV doesn't survive long ouitside of hte body, like spit on the ground and such. But determining how she contracted HIV is somethign to consider also, many people that are HIV positive are also hepatitis positive and that monster survives for very long periods of time in any enviroment.

Not to sound flipant but until there is a **cure** you're better off playing Russian roulette with a loaded automatic than (ah-hem) safe sex with a person that has HIV. A gunshot wound to the head isn't passed onto your potential offspring and hurts alot less.

Plus, never being CERTAIN would kill you just as fast as if you contracted it from her. Worry is a bitch.

Goodluck~

BB

Where did you read that HIV can be spread through saliva ? Doing pathology in school currently and saliva is not a method of spreading unless they have an open sore in the mouth.


All things aside If you base your relationship with her off sex then its a bad idea. But you don't need to have sex to have a relationship.

With the divorce rate now a days, sexual relationships with her is not a logical choice, but impulse > logic.