cheating partners and the other dude

[kirbanmanaburn]

I found out my partner, who I've lived with for 18 months, is stepping out on me. I confronted her and she said she's been after this guy, but he's not interested in her. And I know for a fact that he doesn't know she's taken. She's gone to great lengths to hide that from him.

So I'm finished. But the only thing I can't decide about is whether I out her to him, send him an email saying that she's pretty much super desperately in love with him (she claims he doesn't even know she likes him) and saying that this has all taken shape while she's been living with her long-term boyfriend.

If it makes any difference, she's going to be in the same place as him tomorrow so if he reads it in the immediate future she'd have to deal with the awkwardness it creates.

 

[CapriiRecords]

If she does it to me, she'll do it to you.

 

[EverquestBB]

If I were in your shoes . . .

I guess if it were me I would want him to know. The expression goes "once a cheater, always a cheater" and I think that applies here. If she cheated on you with him (even if it there was no physically intimacy, she has hid the relationship from you which is cheating in my book) chances are she will do the same to him. I am always amazed when someone meets someone new that was cheating with them and then is surprised when it happens to them.

So my advice is to give him a call and introduce yourself as her partner of 18 months, explain that she is now interested in him over you and to warn him that she has been doing all this behind your back. At the very least it speaks to her character that she chose to embarass you over doing the right thing. I prefer a call over e-mail because it is more real in my opinion, but if calling is not an option I would do a face to face (not a scene mind you but in person) over e-mail.

And when you walk away, wish him luck because he is going to need it.

 

[CapriiRecords]

If only we could all be in tweenage relationships again.

 

[scuff11]

hahah..... some funny stuff....

i am kinda with the above poster.... obviously your used meat now and she wants nothing to do with you..... fuck her... and send her packen, as far as the dude goes.... im sure he knows about you, and im sure what you were told was what she could come up with when put on the spot, she is probably trying to protect him in some way.

this is comming from some one who has been cheated on from a relationship of 11 years and two children.... i am not sure if you have kids or not but i assume no, that makes every sooooo much easier, kick her ass to the curb

 

[Nicedreamsbt]

I dont think she is really in love with you but you could always try and keep her. But it sounds like she has lost interest in you and it would be hard to keep her. Its better to leave her get more money and a better looking girl and rub it in her face.

 

[Hardcore]

Better that you found out now then after you guys walked the asle together. (The BS that goes along with the paperwork would Sooo suck.) I'd give her a loving suprise and pack her crap for her and have it all stacked at the front door for when she came home from work. It'd be the one last kind act she would get from me.

 

[DT]

Didn't read the other replies, but here's my thoughts:

Don't tempt the fates, don't play with fire, and don't do any other cliche that could go along with this.

Personally, I would just make sure you take care of your end, boot her out, etc. Whatever happens for her, let it happen. Regardless if you out her or not, your relationship sounds like it is over anyway, so what good would it do other than serve revenge that, in the end, would not appease your desire to get back at her.

If my wife was cheating with some guy, I wouldn't be pissed at him, as he wouldn't have the same committment to me that she had promised or inferred. In your scenario, he is clueless, so I say leave it that way and let him find out on his own if he decides to go along.

 

[Alexandra]

Didn't read the other replies, but here's my thoughts:

Don't tempt the fates, don't play with fire, and don't do any other cliche that could go along with this.

Personally, I would just make sure you take care of your end, boot her out, etc. Whatever happens for her, let it happen. Regardless if you out her or not, your relationship sounds like it is over anyway, so what good would it do other than serve revenge that, in the end, would not appease your desire to get back at her.

If my wife was cheating with some guy, I wouldn't be pissed at him, as he wouldn't have the same committment to me that she had promised or inferred. In your scenario, he is clueless, so I say leave it that way and let him find out on his own if he decides to go along.

Great advice,

she's over you if she's pursuing another man. Best thing to do now is move on, if you want to be a bit spiteful then go pick up the hottest chick you can find and conveniently bring her home as your ex is moving out

 

[DT]

Or...

pack her shit

pack your shit

move to Milwaukee

Have a beer with me

 

[Darkon]

Or...

pack her shit

pack your shit

move to Milwaukee

Have a beer with me

PIITB (Poke It In The Butt)
Then tell her to hit the road. and since the guy is unaware I would warn him of the incoming Psycho hose beast. cause once a cheater always a cheater! sad but true.

 

[Tempest]

I think if I got a phone call saying "Hey my GF is crazy in love with you and wants to fuck your brains out, be warned cause she was with me and she is a cheating whore" I would instantly think 2 things.

1) Easy lay.
2) Easy Ditch ("Look I am just not comfortable with it all because now I think about i, how can I ever really trust you")

Unless of course you paraphrase it with "Cheathing whore, I think that's how she got her Herpies".

 

[Alexandra]

PIITB (Poke It In The Butt)
Then tell her to hit the road. and since the guy is unaware I would warn him of the incoming Psycho hose beast. cause once a cheater always a cheater! sad but true.

Totally wrong for you to say anything to him, he's going to view you as a spineless wimp and won't blame her for wanting someone new OR even want her more since your so butthurt about it there must be something great about her.

 

[rob]

The situation sucks all around. As tempting as it may sound to talk to the guy, i'd recommend just walking away. There is nothing for YOU to gain. Less liability, less drama, less stress.

Or if you thrive on that stuff, burn his car and leave a love note for him from your now ex.

 

[mjtizzle21]

better yet burn her car !

 

[JimJohnson]

I say give him congratulations and wish him the best of luck if they choose to get together.

No reason to hold ill will towards her, or him. Lets face it 65%+ of marriages alone do not work out. If we went up to total long term relationships (anything over say 6-9monthes) more like 90% of them don't work out.

Just drive the fuck on and let it go, sometimes the meanest thing to do is be nice.

 

[JimJohnson]

Totally wrong for you to say anything to him, he's going to view you as a spineless wimp and won't blame her for wanting someone new OR even want her more since your so butthurt about it there must be something great about her.

its the ego or confidence(what ever you refer to it as) thing regardless if she/he is some worthless whore that fucks everything in the world BUT you. Most guys or females still feel shunned by the action. Some venting even if its too him/her I don't think is totally wrong depending on how/what you say/do it.

Dont drive an hour out of your way just to talk to him but if you see him/her now and again its not excessive to strike up a conversation about him/her. After all you guys/gals would be talking about common ground(as you both know him/her)

 

[Alexandra]

its the ego or confidence(what ever you refer to it as) thing regardless if she/he is some worthless whore that fucks everything in the world BUT you. Most guys or females still feel shunned by the action. Some venting even if its too him/her I don't think is totally wrong depending on how/what you say/do it.

Dont drive an hour out of your way just to talk to him but if you see him/her now and again its not excessive to strike up a conversation about him/her. After all you guys/gals would be talking about common ground(as you both know him/her)

I do agree, but hence more of a girl move I guess. However if she was really pursuing this guy then it would be wasted energy.

Like you said, being nice could be more a kicker, I know that would irk me to not get a reaction if that makes sense!

 

[htw]

My 2c: Just let her go, and move on with life.

htw

 

[cadman]

I'm with HTW. Quicker you get rid of her the happier you'll be, long term. I'd reccomend getting horribly, messily drunk though. That helps a lot.